The photo is not very
good. I took it hastily with my phone, but I wanted to catch the moment. That’s
granddaughter Violet, who is almost three, and not the shrinking kind of violet. There
she is, balanced on a stair step, in grave danger of being swallowed by her
beanbag chair. Reminds of the old Pac Man arcade game. She’s engaged in the
task of bringing her beanbag chair down the stairs for a movie night. You can
imagine how long she stayed still in the beanbag.
The point of the
photo is sometimes we all take on projects that are bigger than we are, but we somehow
manage, even as we struggle to not to get bowled over by the mass of the thing.
For Violet, that
evening, it was the beanbag chair. She could have just pushed it up and over
the rail at the top of the stairs to drop down, or she could have kicked it
down the stairs from safely behind and above. No, being in back of the action
is not her way. She had to control the cushy boulder from the front as it sort
of slid down the stairs step by step.
For her granddad, for the past two and a half
years, my beanbag on the stairs has been writing the three McBee novels. It’s
come close to swallowing me a few times. A thousand pages, three hundred
thousand words divided into a hundred and thirty chapters, slowly rolling
step-by-step through three years of the Civil War, and three years of my life.
And the value of the project has not been just to finish, but to make the three
books historically credible “page turners,” not repetitive or boring, yet still
not outlandish. There are no zombies in McBee’s Civil War.
Like Violet’s
beanbag, I can’t hurry it along, or gravity and size get the upper
hand. The project would simply smother me as it rolled away to crash into a tree in the woods somewhere. I’m getting there. And the sight of little Violet
throwing her all into her beanbag is just the sort of visual reminder I need to
get on with the last half of the last book.